One of Those Days

My tailbone area started bothering me yesterday and still is. I didn't fall or suffer any type of impact injury, and although sometimes my lumbar area gets sore from sitting at my desk for too long, I haven't had this kind of pain before. I'm hoping it subsides soon.

It has put a damper on my exercise regimen. Sigh.

But my eating isn't too shabby. Although I did eat too much rice at lunch and no salad. Not good!

I am chopping some veggies to take with me to the park. I am taking the kids to meet their friends for some playtime, and my girlfriend and I will have some chat time as well, which will be a rare treat.

And tonight is band practice, which I look forward to all week long. It is the one night I consistently go out and do something just for me.

Diet:

B - 1 egg + cheddar, 1 small side hashbrowns, 1 slice bacon, 1/2 c watermelon (Mr. Spouse cooked and brought this lovely breakfast upstairs to the computer for me while I worked!)

S - 3/4 apple (son had eaten 1/4 "around" it and I did not want to waste), handful of peanuts

L - 1 1/2 c yellow rice + black beans + chopped onion + 1/8 c cheddar

S - Chopped veggies (tomatoes & cucumbers)

D - Spaghetti dish of some sort, asparagus (I will be v light on the pasta after the overly starchy lunch!)

Exercise: If time, dip in the pool might work. Tailbone v achy and needs stretching.

Hydration: OK - in progress

Attitude: Pretty good

Back in the Saddle Again

Mr. Spouse's mother and brother left yesterday, so once again, it is time to eat right, exercise and hydrate.

I was *so* sick. Especially the day we went to Busch Gardens together. Yick.

And, now that I think about it, I really *do* need to get on the bike because tonight we celebrate Mom's birthday at her apartment and are eating Sesame Chicken from China City. Which is *most certainly not* low-fat.

I am enjoying the asterisks (*).

Diet:

B - 1 egg + sprinkle of cheddar, buttered rye toast, coffee with Splenda & half-n-half

S - banana

L - 1 chicken thigh (not leg) w/ buffalo sauce, 1 ear corn (buttered, salted -not ready to go cold turkey on those yet), 2 cups salad (lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers) with 1 tbsp homemade Italian dressing

S - (will be) yogurt

D - Sesame Chicken, egg drop soup, need to scrounge in Mom's fridge for a vegetable, but should be okay as she is on Weight Watchers

Hydration - Good, in progress

Exercise - Need to do it now, or else it will not happen.

Attitude - Feel like a cow, but realize that is not a particularly helpful way to think.

Welcome to my Office

Good news!

I did everything I set out to do yesterday. I accomplished my goals. The big ones, I mean. I ate well, hydrated, exercised and spent quality time with my children. I also did a lot of work. I didn't do much around the house, but I did do the usual light straightening up. I made dinner for myself and the kids and went through their homework with them. Probably not much different from what my other friends do, but I've got to tell you, I've been REALLY down about not exercising and failing at my diet.

I embodied a certain commercial I hear on the radio almost daily: "Every day I tell myself I won't eat. Or I'll eat less. And every day (deliberate pregnant pause), I fail."

But finally, I had a good day. A day I didn't fail at!

Mr. Spouse giggled at me as I surveyed my profile in the mirror. I know, I know. I'm not going to see anything after just one day. But still. I don't have to think I look worse! For once.

Things are going well. I do need to develop a plan. Every day I work on a chicken scratch list I've made over the course of the previous day that's in no particular order: "Call Bob about house stuff, flavored water, lizard food, milk, eggs, paint stripper stuff for floors, laundry, hoisin sauce?"

I'm beginning to re-think traditional schooling for our kids. Something came over me a little over a year ago where I suddenly felt burned out at home, like I just didn't want to do anything. Like I was going to have a breakdown or something. I felt I suddenly needed to return to work. I had agreed not to go back until Tony was in kindergarten, but I went back sooner. This was hard on our relationship. The kids handled it well, although it *sucked* getting them up so early in the mornings.

In the beginning it was nice. A change. A routine. Breathing space. Lots of adults around. No children. I was thrilled to see them at the end of the day!

Then it got to be very, very stressful. It built up, but it got worse and worse. I took less care of myself and worried about work constantly. I wasn't spending the quality time with the kids I wanted. I felt dead when I got home. Unable to do anything more than watch them parade around the house.

Too tired to tickle, even.

Overweight, overstressed, truly regretting my decision to go back to work. Thinking (over the course of months) I should have looked for something on the side that wasn't too consuming, that I enjoyed.

So now I have that, although I'm not sure for how long. We continue to pay for Virginia's private school out of my income, and Tony's 3 hours of VPK are covered by our state (which encourages this relatively new program).

I find that 1.) Although I like the school where the kids are, I think I could do a better job of educating them. 2.) I know plenty of other kids to get them together with, not to mention the scads of homeschool co-ops/resources we have locally, and of course I think the whole "socializing with a big group of kids" thing is a myth, anyway. 3.) I just miss them. 4.) I am never going to get these years with them back. 5.) I know I am a worthy employee, but this is more important now.

Anyway, these are things I am throwing around these days.

I don't know if I mentioned I'm in a band. It's called Autokonia. Our music is original, although we are working on a few covers as well. We've been recording scratch tracks of our original music and should be performing live in a few short months. It's very exciting for me.

A former opera major and cantor. Now I joke to myself that I'm a rock star.

(Virginia said that she told her friends at school that her mom is a rock star. You can't argue with your own kid!)

It's amazing, though. The music is different than anything I've ever worked on. It's refreshing to feel a real "part" of something. I really like the guys I play with, and I connect well with the other vocalist (who is actually the keyboardist). We have some major musical chemistry that comes through in the songs we perform together. We're always exploring different ways of singing our parts--we both know, almost intuitively, when something doesn't sound right, or how it should sound instead. He's a great lyricist.

Everyone in my band is AMAZINGLY talented and easy to get along with.

That's it for today!

Except for the infamous....DIET:

B -1 egg + 1 white omelet with 1/8 c cheddar & onions, 1/2 cup breakfast porridge (whole grain) with 1/2 cup milk, 1 tsp Splenda, nuked in microwave

S - apple

L - ?

S - ?

D - ?

Exercise - not yet

Hydration - Working on it!

Attitude - GOOD

The Bitter Cycle Continues

I'm back. I've been meaning to update this blog for quite a while but you know how time slips and slips and slips away, and before you know it, you've managed to make every other thing in life more important that the one thing that probably could have saved you.

I have put on a lot of weight. A LOT. Meaning, I am literally terrified to weight myself. I won't do it, yet I know I must. The scale sits propped on its side in my bathroom, a constant visual reminder of my wimpishness. After all, it IS just a number. But, for most American women--thin, average or overweight--it is the number we least care to know.

I worked full-time for a year in an office. In the beginning, I raced down to the exercise room at lunch, changed clothes, tried for a miniworkout (25 minutes), showered, re-dressed, re-applied makeup, wolfed down something "healthy" (usually a wrap) in 5 minutes and arrived back at my desk, flushed but feeling accomplished, in 1 hour. I worked on the 3rd floor and, as I dashed up the stairs, marveled at how many people took the elevator to get to the same place. Pathetic!

As I got more and more wrapped up in my job, the daily workout became a headache. It seemed too short, the whole showering/re-doing my face thing irritated me, practically shoving my food down my throat to avoid not returning late. All that stress, and I couldn't even take a few minutes to myself to eat?

So after some months, I stopped going to the exercise room and began eating my lunch, and spending the 2nd half hour walking in the parking garage (up and down the levels) with my iPod. I did this for many months until it finally became unbearably hot, probably 2 or 3 months ago. After that, I sporadically walked, but not often due to the weather. Usually I just vegged out in the break room with my lunch and a book, or talked with one of my coworkers.

But for a person like me who is prone to weight-gain, the clock was ticking. And NOT in my favor.

My diet suffered severely over the past year. I became so stressed at work (a lot of what I was stressed about stems from our economy, and I believe this is affecting many people in the workplace) that I stopped caring so much about my diet, and started to eat more processed foods. I felt I no longer had the time to take making food for myself. I was gone all day and wanted to spend my extra time with my children, not that I was that "present."

I really, really got to know the vending machine. Whenever I was stressed, it was a constant source of m&m's, Cheetos, and barbecue Fritos. Or if I was particularly strapped, Toastchee crackers. Always accompanied by Diet Coke to balance things out. Whoopee.

So I find myself many pounds heavier, afraid to go to my gym lest I run into a former client, struggling to exercise at home (with the kiddies -- they always want to go in the pool when I want to use our newly-scrounged exercise bike (I found it on the side of the road).

I've been feeling so blah-nasty-icky-gross lately. My lovely husband, well, we're in the same boat. He, too, has piled it on. We've been talking about how fat we are and how we have to do something. He has begged me to make him a log for his exercise/eating. He works A LOT and is involved in outside activities.

We went to Islands of Adventure on Saturday and when we got back to the hotel room for our alone time (yay, Mom, who kept the kids for us!), I realized my inner thighs were horrendously chafed. I had never seen anything like it. Somehow I wasn't in pain. Yet it looked like I was terribly, terribly bruised.

That was it. The icing. The eye-opener. I guess I needed more than all-my-clothes-don't-fit-except-for-my-yoga-pants (and I don't do yoga).

So, all that being said, here is my diet thus far:

B:
1/2 cup breakfast porridge (5 different whole grains cooked in crockpot -- from Tosca Reno's
cook book)
1 egg + 1 egg white + 1 piece crumbled bacon (leftover)
coffee w/ 1 tbsp Splenda + half-n-half

S:
1 apple

L:
2 oz. ham
3 cups salad (greens, red pepper, green pepper, cucumber, tomato)
2 tbsp homemade Italian dressing

S:
1 yogurt

D:
3 oz. roast pork with garlic
1/2 tomato
1/2 cup sliced cucumber
1 small piece Matt's homebaked bread

Exercise:
Exercise bike - Pulled outside by pool and did 30 minutes while watching kids splash around!

Hydration:
GREAT!

The road continues tomorrow.....

Sunday with the Queasies

I feel nauseous.

It's either pregnancy (please, God, no) or the holiday abuse my stomach has endured.

Today:

B - omelette w/ cheese, jalapenos & fresh basil, 1 1/2 pc bacon

S - 3 bites of fruit - papaya, pineapple, mango

L - 3/4 c white rice, 1 c szechuan chicken (chicken & vegetables in spicy sauce)

S -

D -

Hydration:
Good so far

Exercise:
About 45 minute walk to Walgreens & back

Overall feeling:
Icky. Right eye bothering me, and still not doing my usual maintenance stuff. Need to do toenails & fingernails. Have just felt so blah lately. Borderline repulsive, if you really wanna know.

Yes, I've got issues.

What is it about the holidays?

For me, it starts on Halloween. I buy the candy and do not open the bag UNTIL Halloween.

For whatever reason, I cannot buy the "crap," and must always buy chocolate and "cool" candy like Nerds, Laffy Taffy, etc. Pretty sure it goes back to my own childhood when I despised certain things in my haul (Dum Dums, Mr. Bubble, Tootsie Rolls, etc.).

So we keep whatever doesn't get given out on Halloween and slowly dole it out to the kids. But we much it here and there. By the time that's gone, it's Thanksgiving and food is flying all over the office. Then it's nearing Christmas, vendors are sending in cookies, fudge and all manner of confections. They want to take you out to lunch, our own company is sponsoring a luncheon, officers are coming to your desk with goodies.

I feel like a whale.

My 30 minutes of walking each day in the parking garage is NOT making a dent at the moment.

Honestly, this kind of eating makes me feel LIKE CRAP. I'm guessing I've picked up about 10 lbs., so for me, it's crunch time. The good thing is that besides just wanting to feel and look a bit better, I do have another external goal:

The Girls' Cruise to Cozumel at the end of February.

So I will start logging my diet again starting tomorrow.

On a personal note, Mr. Spouse cooked Christmas dinner for us at his lodge. My family came. We had a great time. Lots of chat. Kids running everywhere, playing air hockey, table tennis, foosball, watching the big screen TV. Coffee, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, and eggnog cheesecake...

YES.

EGGNOG CHEESECAKE.

I love: eggnog.

I love: cheesecake.

That was a lethal combination.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't feel guilty. I just feel icky after all the crap I've been eating lately. When you train your body to operate optimally by eating the right foods--by eating "clean--doing this to it is probably the worst thing you can do. Not only do you pick up weight, but it makes you feel mentally challenged and weary. Not good.

So...back to the drawing board tomorrow!

Diet and Exercise 7/21/08

Diet

Wake up - 1 cup water

B - 1 cup of Crockpot Porridge (from Tosca Reno's Eat Clean Diet Cookbook)
+ 1 tbsp nonfat yogurt, 1 tsp Splenda

coffee w/ 1 tbsp h&h
2 cups of water

S - 1 Lite-n-Fit blueberry yogurt
handful of pistachios
2 cups of water

L - 3 c salad (green leaf, cucumber, broc, tomato), 1 tbsp lite Caesar dressing
3 oz turkey burger cut up and dropped into 2/3 c black bean soup (also from Tosca's
cookbook...infused with veggies and the kids also like it! BONUS.)
2 cups of water

D - 1 cup Chicken Rotini (you guessed it...Tosca's cookbook...Mr. Spouse, our resident chef had
way too much fun with that book this weekend!)
1 cup sliced green pepper
2 cups of water

S - ?

Exercise

Upper body workout (chest, arms, back)
Lower body is still sore from boot camp moves few days ago
NEED CARDIO!!!

I am Super-Stoked!

First of all, I am THRILLED that Tosca Reno commented on my blog. Thank you, Tosca.

I have decided that if Tosca Reno can comment on my blog, I can give up half and half! And I can make sure to schedule myself in more frequently. Getting my cardio in first thing in the morning is what works best for my lifestyle. It means I must go to bed a bit sooner, though.

Because I work in a gym and am a trainer, people often assume that I have unlimited workout time. Not at all the case.

Actually, we trainers JOKE about how hard it is to work out in the gym. In fact, when I do my strength training workouts, I usually use a different gym. I tell my clients that I go "incognito" because everyone knows me at my gym, and even if I'm in the middle of a workout, people like to say hello or ask questions. And as a trainer who's trying to win more clients, I *do* end up helping them out. Which is great. For them.

But, unfortunately, not for moi!

So I am really stoked. If Tosca Reno can make a little extra time for me, than surely I can make some extra time for myself!

But let me talk a little more about what I like about her Eat-Clean Diet book. First of all, it's not even like reading a book. It's glossy throughout with lots of pictures. Really, it's like reading a fitness magazine. But without all the crazy advertisements to distract you. And the important facts are in special boxes. I couldn't help thinking that Tosca and whoever she collaborated with must have realized how hard it is to read A LOT at one sitting these days. So not only is everything visually appealing, but the writing itself is not at all wordy. Everything is straightforward, clear and motivating. And the pictures themselves are so natural. There's a real sense that what's natural--what's closest to the ground, I mean--is what's best for our bodies. So there are lots of fruit, grain and water graphics. And of course pictures that reflect how important activity and exercise is for physique transformation. So you see women (Tosca herself, even!) doing weight training, swimming, etc.

Something that I find a challenge (that will probably lead me to buy her book that describes Eating Clean for the whole family) is getting our children to eat clean. They always want the chips, cookies, fatty stuff, candy, etc.

We've made some progress with them, but it's still going to take a while longer to totally "convert" them. We like Chick-fil-A because they have great salads. I don't use some of the toppings and I barely use any dressing (if at all--the Spicy Chargrilled Salad needs none). The kids still love their nuggets, though. And of course they are fried. I do give them the fruit cup to split, and if we were to hit McDonald's, they get the apples (no dip) instead of fries. So we are part-way there. We really only go to these places because of the indoor play areas, since it is summer.

At home, they eat a lot of fruit. They are eating more vegetables, but are quick to tell me they deplore most of them. They want a lot of grains, which is fine because they are small and we do mainly whole grains at home now. I suppose, now that I think about it, it's mainly the going-out and social occasions that are a struggle.

If my daughter and son have hot dogs, they wolf them down. If I give them chicken breast, they pick at it. They might eat a few bites (after telling me they don't like it), but don't eat as much. I think it's because we really HAVE programmed our tastebuds to think that sugar and fat taste MARVELOUS and the lack of those things is AWFUL.

Not true at all. I suspect it takes time to "reprogram" the tastebuds.

Well, that is it for today. Things are getting busy at work. I have more clients than I've ever had right now, and am happy about that. But you know what that means--I have programs to write!

Thank you again, Tosca. Please keep writing such great, motivating, easy-to-comprehend books.